To be a special Valentine to your partner takes lots of energy, time, attention and Love. Let’s all give some thought about who we are being in our relationship, what we can do to make them better and who we will have to become to have them be healthy and successful. Let’s make EVERYDAY Valentine’s Day for our partner.
Let’s begin with the premise that relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed!
Here are a few ideas to get you started! Happy Valentine’s Day!
V: Validate. . .
Your relationship with your partner must be an equal partnership; one that mutually supports each other in their dreams and visions of what is best for one another. Make it a point to let your partner know that you value their opinions, ideas and especially their feelings.
Never say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Your partner’s feelings are “their” feelings. At that moment in time it is their choice to feel that way. Listen with that understanding. If you must say something say, “I understand how you feel” and if it is appropriate, give them a big hug!
A: Attention. . .
Paying attention to the “little things” is not always easy. It takes practice and it is one of the most important aspects of a successful and healthy love relationship. It is the little things that count. If left to simmer without attention, eventually they may erupt into major conflict.
L: Love. . .
Be consistent in expressing your love for your partner in “words” and deeds. While the gift of a rose, a box of chocolates (unless they are on a diet) or a special greeting card is an _expression of love, it is important for your love partner to HEAR the words, “I love you” at least once each day.
E: Enjoy. . .
Make the best of being together. Be present when in the presence of your partner. Enjoy each precious moment. Couples who enjoy each other’s company are happier and more satisfied with their relationship. Do fun things. Go fun places. Place a high priority on enjoying life together.
N: Nurture. . .
To nurture is to nourish. Nourish one another with love. Encourage each other to openly communicate your needs. Accept your partner for who they are and support them in their individual needs and endeavors. Offer understanding by being an attentive listener. Acknowledge your partner’s goodness!
T: Time. . .
Spend “quality” time together. Make a promise to have a date with your mate no less than once each week. No excuses, please! (Ask a trusted friend to watch the children and return the favor at another time).
Pretend you are on your very first date. Reminisce. Hold hands. Make eye contact. Talk. Really listen. Put aside the cares of the day and focus on your partner. Make each moment you are together. . . count!
I: Intention. . .
We usually get what we place our intention upon. Synergize your intentions on what you want, never on what you do not want. The combined effect of two partners working together on similar things is much greater than the sum of individual effects.
Highlight your intentions to one another and concentrate on the specifics of those intentions. Lovingly remind each other of your commitment to your intentions from time to time. Develop the willful intent to serve the well being of your partner. Work together on having the kind of relationship that you can be proud to be in.
N: Needs. . .
We all have individual needs; to be loved, accepted, understood, trusted, respected, appreciated, encouraged and the list goes on. Acknowledging our needs and the needs of our love partner gives purpose to the relationship. Learn to express your needs in ways your partner can listen to and understand.
Erich Fromm once said. . . Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”
That is the difference between being needy and having needs. The problem is not that you need love, but that you depend on your partner to create love and happiness in your life. Giving up your responsibility for satisfying those needs is a mistake.
E: Energize. . .
Breath new life into your relationship each day by consistently focusing on new ideas that keeps the fire of love burning. Partners feel energized when both are dancing to the same tune. They feel a capacity for action to continue to do the things that brought them together in the first place.
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